Complicated Simplicity
by DarkflamesAsh
Summary: A very complex story that I've thought out involving lots of impossible pairings...but there will be slash. And I created my own characters and broke some rules...please read it...I like comments. Rated M for safety...
1. In Which I am bored and uninspired

Hey!!!! So here I am! Alive and well! Here's something I wrote while I was bored. I don't own Naruto! I've only read to Ch. 376…So there are some spoilers and also plot benders and twists everywhere. Do not comment with something like: "This could never happen!" Because I already know it could never happen, but I am bored and like to dream, and I wanted this to happen and no one else thought of it so I did!

In which I am bored and uninspired.

Sasuke arrived first. He was always first of course but this time it was essential that he be there first. He had to set up traps and prepare for his brother's arrival as well as throw Naruto off the scent. But then he saw her. It had begun to rain over an hour ago and hadn't let up since then, so he was surprised to see her dressed in a soaking wet jacket staring at the sky like a turkey (AN: turkey's will stare up at the sky with their mouths open until they drown and die). He paused looked over her carefully for any signs as to see if he should bother destroying her. The first thing he noticed was her headband. It was slipped around her eyes like a blindfold. She couldn't have been any older than twelve or thirteen with her gaze turned to the sky. Her long black hair seemed to tumble haphazardly around her face not seeming to bother with any form of organization, but the most striking thing about her was her jacket. It was an Akatsuki jacket complete with red clouds and black backdrop. She didn't look like she was part of hem, but still if there was a chance…Then she looked at him. Her eyes seemed to onto him and her black hair clung to her cheeks and her face was pale and thin. Sasuke just stared back at her trying not to be affected by that piercing gaze that sliced through him and cut at his insides.

Karin stopped to look at what he was looking at and gasped loudly pulling away slightly. "That girl…!" Sasuke blinked and the spell seemed to break, because he was finally able to look away from the girl. "What about her?" He asked trying to pretend he had barely noticed her. Juugo smiled warmly and looked at where they were staring. Suigetsu didn't bother looking and kept walking. "Don't get any closer!" Juugo yelled reaching for Suigetsu and pulling him back. Suigetsu glared sideways at him before growling out, "Why? What are you scared of that kid?" Juugo didn't say anything, just kept on staring at her. The girl finally turned her eyes away and stared back up at the sky. That's when Sasuke noticed it. No one was going near that girl. She was completely separated from everyone else. "Juugo, who is she?" "HEY! Hey!" Karin growled trying to keep Sasuke's attention on her. "She is the only girl on this planet that it is illegal to harm. No matter who it is. You hurt her and you will be killed instantly. She is an untouchable." Juugo whispered softly as he stared at her. "She is Lord Orochimaru's pride and joy. She was raised by Namikaze Minato. She is an orphan and you killed one of her parents." Sasuke suddenly turned in shock to stare up at Juugo as Suigetsu went still and Karin fell to her knees. "Her chakra…It almost blinds me." Karin whispered as she continued to look at the girl. "Does it really? I apologize." Immediately Sasuke froze.

"Sasuke Uchiha." The girl seemed to be trying the name out on her tongue as they all turned to see her standing calmly in the center of them. "Where is Okaa-san?" She asked tilting her head slightly to the side appearing to be completely clueless and innocent. "Konichiwa, Uncle Juugo."

Okay, so this is going to be a very very long story and require a lot of thinking and planning. So, pay me with comments and I'll continue. That'll be 5 comments. (I've been playing Tales of the Abyss and wanted to type Gald. I need to learn to take breaks…)


	2. In Which there are many Flashbacks

So I started to continue the first chapter, but then realized you might want to know a little bit about the girl and I didn't like how it was going so I erased it and wrote this instead. Hope you like it…

Chapter 2: In which there are many explanations and flashbacks…

First Flashback(takes place sometime after Jiriaya finds the 3 kids)

"Do you hear that Tsunade?" Tsunade paused in mid-step to look back at Orochimaru. "Hear what?" Tsunade asked glaring at her friend. "I hear something." Orochimaru said looking up into the trees. "It sounds like a baby." He mumbled softly as he scanned the tree branches. "A baby? In the woods? Please! Let's just go." Tsunade said with a sigh. Orochimaru glared at Tsunade when… "WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Immediately two sets of eyes shot up to look in the trees. Orochimaru spotted it first. A small bundle of white cloth. "It might be a demon child." Tsunade cautioned. "Demons are known to cast out their smallest children and abandon them in the woods, ya know." Orochimaru didn't listen though. Worry creased his brow as he swiftly climbed up the tree. If it was a baby, demon or human, then someone should take it in out of the cold (even though it wasn't that chilly).

"Well?" Tsunade called up to him with a frown as she looked about. Orochimaru paused before taking the little bundle out of the tree. With a little bit of unease he slowly pulled away the white cloth all the while the wails continued. Large green eyes stared back at him with small tears forming in the corners while older tracks still traced to pink chubby cheeks. Orochimaru couldn't help but coo as he stared down at the little babe. Soft downy black hair sprinkled the top of the babies head as Orochimaru gently pet the things hair. "Is it a baby or a demon?" Tsunade asked glaring as Orochimaru jumped down cradling the little bundle close to his chest. "It's a baby." He said softly as he showed to Tsunade. "Isn't it cute?" He asked as he revealed the adorable package inside. "Oh! It's so small! Is it a boy or a girl?" Tsunade asked looking up at him suddenly waiting for an answer. Orochimaru frowned and held the baby out to her. "You check!" He ordered without thinking. Tsunade glared but did it anyway after only she giggled. "Masaltov! It's a girl." She smiled and gently stroked the babies hair. "Let's take her to the Hokage. He'll know what to do with her." Tsunade said before sprinting off, leaving Orochimaru behind her with the baby. "Hmph. I think I'll keep you." He cooed down at the little child. "No matter what that old goat says."

End Flashback (AN: Yes I know Orochimaru was very out of character in that…)

Second Flashback (Jiriaya is back and the baby has been around for about a year and can speak a little…)

"Hey Oro-chan!" Jiriaya yelled as he ran up to Orochimaru knowing he hated the nickname. "Would you cut that out?! I'm male, darn it!" Orochimaru said glaring over his shoulder at Jiriaya. "I heard you found a kid!" Jiriaya said as he looked at Orochimaru. "You heard right." Orochimaru stated finally turning to look at Jiriaya revealing a rather hilarious scene to him. Orochimaru was holding the little baby in his arms and the little girl was holding onto him to. Only she was holding onto him by his hair. Jiriaya immediately covered his face to try and smother the giggles and laughs, but soon couldn't hold them back. And this were his reasons:

1) The kid was pulling Orochimaru's hair

2) The kid was dressed in a very pink shirt that said "I heart my mommy"

3) Orochimaru was wearing his usual jacket but underneath was a matching shirt

4) The shirt said "I heart my BAY-BE!

Orochimaru's cheeks began to heat up as Jiriaya continued to laugh loudly attracting a lot of people's attention when Jiriaya finally stopped and asked, "So, where's your mommy, Bay-be?" Jiriaya asked putting on a thick accent and baby voice to poke fun at Orochimaru who immediately smacked him, but the girl spoke rather happily. "Okaa-san!" The little girl cried happily. Jiriaya paused silently looked at the small pale little girl. "Yes, where is your okaa-san?" Jiriaya asked with a smile and gentle smile. The girl gave him a little glare before viciously tugging on the hair that she grasped in her tiny hands and declaring rather forcefully, "Okaa-san!" Then it hit him. This tiny girl thought Orochimaru was her mommy. "Don't say it." Orochimaru growled as he tugged on his hair to pull it out of the little ones hands.

"So, Orochimaru…Was the birth painful?" SMACK Jiriaya crouched low tears welling up in his eyes as he rubbed his cheek. "Jiriaya you will do well to remember that I do not appreciate your jokes." Orochimaru growled. Jiriaya had to grin though as he stood back up. "She is a cutie though." Jiriaya commented as he leaned closer to look at the little girl. Her hair was still short but it seemed someone (Orochimaru) had pulled it into two pigtails on either side of her head. Her bright beautiful green eyes stared out with mild curiosity as she looked at the pervy sage. Aside from the shirt was wearing a little green skirt. "So, what's her name?" Jiriaya asked as he pinched one of her cheeks playfully. She immediately bit at his hand. "I don't know. I haven't given her one yet. I mean I tried, but she doesn't seem to like them any…Do you want to try?!" Orochimaru growled when Jiriaya gave him a skeptical look.

"Sure, why not?" He said with a grin. "How about Raiketsu?" He offered with a grin. She promptly threw up on both Jiriaya and her shirt, which in turn got smeared on Orochimaru. "DARN IT! JIRIAYA! You can't just throw a name out there! If you do she just throws up!" Orochimaru growled slapping Jiriaya on the head rather roughly. "Look, I've figured out two things. She likes short names and names that start with 'r'. Got it?" Orochimaru ordered as he turned and began to walk back to his apartment, Jiriaya following him. "Yeah, can I borrow a shirt?" Jiriaya asked as he looked down at his own ruined shirt. "Sure. I think I have a shirt that you can wear." A few minutes later had them at Orochimaru's apartment with more barf on them (Jiriaya tried some more names) and an even angrier Orochimaru and a very upset little baby. Orochimaru set her down gently on his couch before swiftly tossing his shirt in the hamper. Jiriaya was more careful with his shirt, but then Oro grabbed it and threw it into the hamper too. Leaving both men shirtless. (AN: drool) Jiriaya silently watched as Orochimaru went about undressing the little girl down to her diaper and listened with a grin as he baby-talked her. "Where's my wittle girl? Dere she is! Aren't you jus a wittle cootie! Let mommy go get you a new outfit." Orochimaru then turned to glare at Jiriaya. "Watch her. And no more names!" With that Orochimaru disappeared. "I don't get him." Jiriaya grumbled before crouching down on the floor to look at her. "You need a name that's short, cute, and starts with an 'r'…Rhett, won't work….or Rez…or Rent. Rex is a guy's name and Ren just isn-" "HA!" The baby suddenly grabbed his nose and giggled just as Orochimaru reentered the room. "Sweetie. Don't say yes to anything that man says to you." Orochimaru chided as he shoved Jiriaya away who was staring down at the girl in shock. Orochimaru swiftly went about wiping her down with some cloths before dressing her up again. "Ren. That's her name!" Orochimaru suddenly looked back at Jiriaya with a glare. "What did I tell you about-" "No! That's why she grabbed my nose. I said Ren couldn't be her name, but I was just throwing out ideas. She likes it!" Jiriaya whooped and laughed as Orochimaru looked back down at 'Ren.' "Ren? Well it is simple…" Orochimaru said as he slipped the dress over her head. "Well…I guess that'll work right, Ren?" Orochimaru chuckled as he nuzzled her face gently. Jiriaya decided it best not to comment on Ren's new outfit (A very frilly yellow dress with puffy shoulders and no sleeves).

End Second Flashback (Yea, more Ocness…Forgive me please…)

So, there's chapter 2 and I know I wanted to wait till I had 5 reviews, but then I wanted to write these flashbacks…I think the last scene is cute…P.S. the flashbacks will pick up right after the second flashback and yes the two men are still shirtless. I'm having fun with the flashbacks, but I will get back to where chapter 1 left off. The rest shouldn't be quite as long as this one…Gomen…Darkflames Quiden Ash


	3. In which there are more flashbacks

Yay! Another update! And more flashbacks. I promise there will be slashiness! 3 I think I can slide a little bit into this next chapter, but who knows. Well, without any other coments. Here ya go:

Chapter 3: In which there are more flashbacks.

Third Flashback(right after the second one)

Orochimaru was still shirtless. Jiriaya frowned at the fact that he had noticed that about his friend and sat down on the couch next to the little girl. "So, Ren's her new name. Now you can get a birth certificate for her." Jiriaya threw our casually as Orochimaru set off into his kitchen, apparently forgetting that he was shirtless. "Nope. I can't do that. If I do that I'd have to explain where she came from. And also who her parents were. Unfortunately I don't know either of those. I found her in a tree and took her in. The Hokage already approves of the child and recognizes her as a citizen, there's no need for papers." Orochimaru responded from his kitchen. Jiriaya glared after him and then looked down at Ren. She was playing with her skirt and seemed quite entertained by the frills on the very ends of them. "Well, she certainly is a cutie…Does she always play with her skirts?" Jiriaya asked out of curiosity as Orochimaru walked back in. Orochimaru paused to think about that for a moment, before responding. "Not really. Just the skirts with the frills. Why?" He asked cocking his head to the side rather cutely. Jiriaya decided a change in subject was in order here and took note of the steaming bowls orochimaru was holding.

"What's that?" Jiriaya asked pointing at the bowls. Orochimaru smiled and walked over to the couch and set down the bowls quickly before responding. "I fixed us some lunch. It's stove-top ramen. I buy it all the time. Ren likes it, too. We share bowl for lunch every day and I thought it would be rude not to offer you any." Orochimaru stated as he scooped up Ren and sat back down with the little girl in his lap. Jiriaya shook his head and reached for some chopsticks that Orochimaru had brought in with him. Orochimaru promptly dug into his bowl occasionally slipping some of the noodles to Ren. Other than a few giggles from the little one lunch passed in silence, until Jiriaya looked over at Orochimaru. They were both almost halfway through, and so it wasn't that odd that the hot soup would heat them up, but Orochimaru was actually becoming flushed. Jiriaya actually froze to stare at his friend eating Ramen, who was oblivious to his friends lecherous stare.

Orochimaru was pale all over his body, but his cheeks were turning slightly pink and his chest and stomach were beginning to change color as well. Jiriaya had never seen Orochimaru look like that before, so when he saw Ren splash Orochimaru with some of the hot broth he had to strain not to reach over and start lapping it up. He had never thought that Orochimaru would turn him on like this, maybe Tsunade, but not Orochimaru not the man that was currently shouting out censored obscenities that all adults think of when they have kids. "OW! Shinned ship snakes! Ren! That was a very bad thing to do! Flipping father of toads! Jiriaya! Take Ren for a second ok?" Orochimaru grumbled shoving Ren into Jiriaya without waiting for a reply. A second later he disappeared into the kitchen. Jiriaya simply set Ren down on the couch and did his best to calm his aching hard-on. "Dead kittens. Dead puppies. Bloody unicorns. Aunt Trudy's arm fat (AN: Thank you scrubs!). Ear wax. Clogged toil-" "Dead puppies!" Ren yelled out just as Orochimaru walked back in with a towel pressed to his bare stomach. "What have you been saying?" Orochimaru growled turning on Jiriaya like…well like a wild snake. "Well…um…uh…I was just…" "Just what? Training her to be crazy? Be more careful with your words your lint-licking dolt!" Orochimaru growled as he walked over to wave the towel in Jiriaya's face. Jiriayay felt his whole face turn bright red suddenly when he saw just how red Orochimaru's stomach was. Jiriaya stood up and pulled the towel out of Orochimaru's hands and glared back at him. "Well, Sor-re! Next time put a shirt on and don't eat hot ramen in front of me and I won't have to say that kind of stuff to get rid of my hard-on!" Jiriaya snapped back without even thinking about what he just said. Orochimaru on the other hand blanched and looked up (Jiriaya is slightly taller and really close to Orochimaru for those who didn't know that…) at him with a look of shock. "I'm sorry?" Was all Orochimaru could think of to say. "I didn't know you were into that. In fact I kind of thought you were straight. I didn't know that you were-" "I'm not!" Jiriaya yelped suddenly taking a step back and then lowering his head slightly in shame. " Look, I'm not into guys or anything it's just…you…well, I…I guess you're just different. Hell, I wasn't even interested in you until I saw you like this. I've never seen you half-naked before now. Especially not when your all hot and sweaty…It just turned me on is all." Jiriaya explained hurriedly. Suddenly feeling rather embarrassed. Orochimaru immediately blushed a bright red. "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean…I mean I…Um…let me go get that shirt!" Orochimaru supplied quickly trying to bolt off I say try because Jiriaya suddenly grabbed him back and forcibly crushed him up against himself. Orochimaru immediately tried to wriggle free, but wound up on the floor with Jiriaya pinning him down. Jiriaya didn't even bother waiting for any response before plunging into Orochimaru's mouth tongue first.

Jiriaya felt Orochimaru trying to struggle free and pinned him down without a second thought. Moving his lips farther south of Orochimaru's lips to suck on his neck and nibble at his jaw. Orochimaru's eyes immediately locked onto Ren. She was sitting calmly on the couch witnessing this. Her wide green eyes looking down at her "protector." Some protector he was. He couldn't even fight off his friends' advances on him. This he just couldn't take, no matter what. And with that thought filling his head he shoved Jiriaya off of him and quickly scooted back so that he was out of Jiriaya' reach. "Get out. Get out of here right now." Orochimaru seethed quietly glaring at Jiriaya. Seeming to accuse him of so many things at once. Jiriaya suddenly felt ashamed of himself.

End of third flashback (Of course Jiriaya does as he was told)

End of flashbacks!

There you go. That's it for the flashbacks. Next chapter I'll be back on track. Sorry if the next chapter takes a while. I'm going back to school, so…Whatever. Leave me a comment please. And no there will not be anymore Jiriaya X Orochimaru I just thought it would be fun. This fic isn't based on that pairing…It's based on another one…Darkflames Quiden Ash


	4. In Which the Author apologizes

This is a short story for all my patient fans…All 3 of you. Chapter 4 will be up soon! (I hope)

In which the author apologizes

Itachi rolled over for about the hundredth time that night and sighed. Kisame's loud snores echoed angrily and roared into his ear as he tried to get to sleep. "Stupid Sasori. Gay Diedra. I'll kill them for this. The boss too." He grumbled as he sat up and threw his third pillow at Kisame. And for the third time he snuffled and rolled over before continuing his snoring. "Stupid Oro-chan. It's his fault too." He grumbled as he got out of bed tugging his blankets with him. As he walked down the hallway he noticed the stupid zombie boys watching Pee-Wee Hermin's playhouse in the living room. "Fags." He grumbled causing both guys to yell back. "Go buy some razors Emo-boy." As Itachi turned the corner he found it hard not to let out a growl of frustration at the sounds of great ecstasy coming from the boss's room. Orochimaru's room was as quiet as well though. Not for long if Itachi had anything to say about it. With a kick to the door the resounding bang caused the whole house to go quiet, except the loud squeek of a certain snake man. "JESUS! ITACHI!" Orochimaru yelled as he peeked over the edge of his bed. "What the hell is wrong with you? Can't you knock?" Orochimaru asked as he stood up and dusted off his nightgown. A bit of the light from the hallway hit the nightgown and Itachi grew curious. Silently stepping to the side he blinked in surprise at the nightgown Orochimaru was wearing. It was bright pink. With spangles. And Butterflies. And sparkly pink writing that said "I LOVE MY PRINCESS

"What are you wearing?" Itachi asked as he burst into laughter. Orochimaru glanced down and realized what he meant and blushed. "What? My daughter made the decorations. What's wrong with it?" He asked glaring at Itachi. "Your daughter? I didn't know you had a kid?" Itachi said with a frown staring at Orochimaru silently. "Well, I do." He growled back as he moved to lay back down. "Do you have any pictures?" Itachi asked as he moved into Orochimaru's room and sat on the bed. "Yeah, I've got one. It's right here." He said with a frown as he pulled out a small photo from his nightstand. "Isn't she cute?" He asked shoving the picture in his face with a little giggle of excitement. Itachi leaned back slightly to get a better look at the photo. It was small, but he could tell it was Orochimaru holding a little baby in his arms. She was wearing one small pigtail pulled up on the side of her head and had little bits of soup on her face and was smiling broadly at the camera while Orochimaru leaned down grinning with an identical pigtail. "Yeah, she's cute." He said with a sigh. It was just a stupid kid. Like every other stupid kid. "So, Oro-chan…Wanna have some fun?" Itachi asked leaning close to Orochimaru. Orochimaru brows slammed together and he glared silently at Itachi. "I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL! GET OUT BEFORE I KILL YOU!!" Orochimaru growled and kicked Itachi out of his room before slamming the door shut and locking it.

Bad DA-chan BAD! I apologize for not updating….I hope it made you laugh….tear I want to play Tales of the Abyss and write stories for that…My writing is so ADD


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